is this what i want?

yes,,i've been thinking about it..
is this what i really want?

i mean,,i used to dream to be an inventor or at least involved in renewable energy project,,
to bring something crucial to mankind,,atleast i contribute in making our sky clear..

but,,where i am now??
chemical engineering-polymer,,POLYMER!!!!

when i started here,,i thought,,ok,i'll make a generator from polymer..
but
someone told me
generator from polymer???it'll melt..

then i suddenly like...is this what i really want?

i dont know,,
maybe im lucky..i get this oppourtunity to study abroad,,to study more,,but is this what i really want..

i feel like so stupid here..
last monday lecturer gave us our electrical technology test's mark,,and what did i saw on my paper??
11.5 over 30
and below it
"sila jumpa saya!!"
i mean im not the only one who has to meet her,,but,,i dont even get half..im failing!!!

and when a stanger ask my course,,when i say "chemical-polymer"
they all are like..wow...
c'mon im not that brilliant.. 
its not that im chemical-student,,so im the most smart...

is this what i really want????
i mean this polymer thing..
this plastic rubber thing...

well polymer industry is a very rapidly grown industry,,with a hardwork and pray,,insya Allah i could get a bright future,,
but 
is this what i really want??

lately i've also been thinking about changing course..
but
is that what i want?
what if its getting harder and harder??

im feeling really down now..

i expect a first level mark,,3.7 atleast!!
but this electrical thing...argh!!!!!!

in the other hand,,
honestly..i dont wanna disappoint my family,,
i have to score!!
i have to studyharder!
i have to make them proud of me!

so,,once more
is this what i really want?
bismilahhirohmannirrahim
yes,,this is what i want